Day 14: Rocky Rollercoaster

8 Jan

Working on the 21 days of gratitude has been significantly harder since going back to work. Yesterday, for example, I managed to check all the boxes but failed to blog about. Likewise, I’m finding it hard to really cover my full day because I don’t feel as comfortable discussing the tribulations and triumphs at work. I don’t think I can blog honestly by excluding 10 hours of my day, but I’m still toying with the format itself…

Three Sources of Gratitude:

  • Those moments you’re dreading doing a task because it’s been a while ad you don’t rmeember exactly what you’re trying to do ONLY then you realize that you took kick ass notes and everything is already organized- basically I love when I actually use foresight/am not lazy and it does pay off later: I think the title covered it all…
  • Happy Hours (i.e. excuses to leave work & go see your friends): I could focus on the fact that it’s terrible I feel that I need an excuse to leave work. OR I could be excited that there are just so many worthy excuses such as happy hours. My friend J set this one up today and it was just lovely to see everyone and laugh about silly things (like my friend’s tea tasting story which I didn’t understand at all and had to ask 50 follow-up questions to) or my other friend’s  awkward encounters with a massage giving co-workers. Twas happy times.
  • The Word Endearing: I don’t think I ever use this word. I’m quite sure I never use this word, but my friend J does and it always makes me giggle a little. There is something a little bit old, a little bit hokey, and little bit sweet about the word endearing. I immediately think of grandmas and apple pies. More than this word itself, I like words that throw you off guard, in a good way. That “Someone still uses this word?” Moment when the chap you’re talking to busts out with a “doohickey” in the middle of his sentence. (This might also be a good time to mention that I’ve really glad for spell check

Exercise AND Meditation/Reflection: I went for a one hour walk today. I realized I needed a way to exercise but not get stuck in my head. So I walked and called my friend E. I had had a semi discouraging day at work today. Without going into the details, I’m continuing to question my current trajectory. Is it really the one for me? Does it embody my identity, interests, and values? I am learning. I am being pushed. And the work is interesting. It kind of feels like when you’ve dawned on a new dress in the fitting room and it fits great, hides your lumpy parts, doesn’t make you seem squatter than you are, but still something isn’t right…so you discard the article of clothing and chalk it up to one of those vague excuses: “just not your style” or “but I wouldn’t never wear it” or “it’s just not me.”  Well while I can afford to be arbitrary in what I wear, vagueries are not nearly as palatable when contemplating larger life decisions. But E got me thinking more positive. She encouraged me to not make the problem so big and contemplated. I can make some changes without changing everything. I have always been more comfortable with the slow and steady route.

One Positive Experience: Today I asked for help. I e-mailed a trusted adviser about the swarm of nagging thoughts in my head to see some feedback. And likewise today a friend sent an e-mail to me, seeking some solace, in his way also asking for some help. I like that circle. I love being part of a network of dependencies. I don’t know if there are any analogies that correctly exemplify how this type of network of dependencies actually makes you more, not less, robust as an individual. Maybe like a woven tapestry, each thread is making you stronger? Oh that was bad. I’ll stop now.

Random Act of Kindness: Half The Sky has got me thinking global. But I also realized I don’t have that strong relations to people who live or work abroad besides my family. It would be interesting to cultivate a more diverse international network (future project). In the meantime, I’m going to send a note to my host family from when I studied abroad in Iceland. It was a beautiful summer, one of the most adventurous things I had done up until that point.  And my host family was kind and generous. I still have some small gifts that two little kids made for me and my study abroad companion. Having the experience to travel and live abroad for months at time has been pivotal in how my ideas have been shaped. I want to thank those who helped make the experience happen.

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