Ready to Fight

23 Dec

I’ve been reflecting a lot on this year, 2014 was a big one. I’ve had some fairly significantly milestones:
* Got a new job
* Moved to a new apartment & a new neighborhood
* Moved in with my boyfriend (first time living with a man)
* Had a successful series of sessions with a couples therapist
* Starting seeing a therapist regularly, not for the first time but the longest running relationship so far
* Started doing my laundry & dishes more regularly
* Started learning to cook Indian food again
* Made two new friends
* Met the BF’s Fam (first time as a new couple) + he met my extended Fam + our Fams met each other!
* Picked up a new sports/hobby

I’m sure I can think of more if I really put my mind to it, which I will in a few days except that’s not the purpose of this post. The purpose of this post is short and sweet. It’s that with this past reflection has also come some future goals. I’ve been toying around with what do I want to focus on in 2015 and there is one goal in particular that I feel the need to enunciate at midnight– I want, in my life, to be able to write beautifully, compellingly and articulately. I love writing. I’ve always written growing up– written in diaries, been a compulsive note taker in class or meetings, underlined and annotated everything I’ve ever read. Writing is how I give significance to my emotions and thereby my life. So in 2015 I want to hone those skills further. I want writing to be an important part of my life and use it to give a part of myself to others. I think in the past my fear at falling short has held me back. I keep editing and re-writing and mulling but I wasn’t satisfied with the qualify of the work even when I felt that I was getting better. And so I’d stop again. That happened in 2014, I started off strong but abruptly packed up my bags.

Today, however, I came across this bit of sage advice from Ira Glass on how our taste develops before our abilities which means we’re able to asses that we fall short well before we’re able to actually hit the mark in a meaningful way. The only way around it is to do volumes of work to bridge the gap, he says. But I think there is one step further, which is to fall in love with the editing, re-writing, and mulling itself. The process must energize more than the outcome otherwise I think my mind will live in a constant state of angst and disappointment. Because damn I know my taste is good! So this is me admitting and accepting that writing is more than a past-time but the most effective way I know how to express who I am (both to myself and to others). So even though it will take a while, here is me saying I’m ready to fight.


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